Kitty Wisdom

04-07-2013

Tao Te Ching Verse 8:

MANTRA: “I live in accordance with nature and therefore never go against the way of things.”

      My jet black cat, Slash never seems to go against his nature. When he is hungry he meows and searches for food, and if he is playful then he scampers up and down the stairs. When he wants love he begins to purr and rub his soft fur against my skin, but if he wants solitude he finds a nice dark cupboard to hide in.

      Despite all the negative stereotypes of black cats, I doubt Slash ever has to remind himself to “Be Me.” But sometimes I do. If later on today I was going to meet someone I admired for the first time (Ellen, Oprah, Shakira) I would probably remind myself to breathe and act natural. In the past few months I have had meetings with industry professionals who are interested in my research, and in the meeting my heart would race and I felt wound up and nervous. I wanted to impress and appear credible, responsible and professional, but instead of allowing the connection to emerge naturally I was focused on being an imagined best self they would fall in love with.

      I don’t think Slash worries about whether someone is a cat lover or not. He doesn’t try to amplify some parts of his personality and downplay others to be more likable or marketable. But cats are not as complex as humans are. Both human and cat brains are extraordinary pattern recognition machines, but unlike Slash we are also meaning making machines with personal values and beliefs that structure our internal mental universe. However, despite the authority of my brain to govern my behavior, I have serious doubts that my true nature can be found there.

      As an alternative to my head, I believe in consulting the wisdom of the heart. Heart coherence research has shown that positive emotions such as appreciation and love increase intuition and represent the body’s optimal physical and mental state. Enjoyment, relaxation, empathy, and appreciation create stable patterns in heart rate whereas anger and other negative emotions do not. These coherent heart rate patterns allow the body and mind to communicate and operate fully which improves my health and well-being.

      My cats may not have the brainpower to discuss politics or the connections to employ me full-time, but they are a constant source of love I receive simply for being me.  

Tao Te Ching Verse 8:

The supreme good is like water,

which nourishes all things without trying to.

It is content with the low places that people disdain.

Thus it is like the Tao.

In dwelling, live close to the ground.

In thinking, keep to the simple.

In conflict, be fair and generous.

In governing, don't try to control.

In work, do what you enjoy.

In family life, be completely present.

When you are content to be simply yourself

and don't compare or compete,

everybody will respect you.

Other People Matter

04-03-2013

Tao Te Ching Verse 7:

MANTRA: “It is through selfless action that I experience my own fulfillment.”

        Other people matter is one of the most significant findings in the research of Positive Psychology. A number of studies show that positive relationships are a key factor in living a happy and meaningful life. I read an article today that found some provocative differences between people in relationships who describe themselves as givers and those that describe themselves as takers. In this survey study, the people who said they were givers were less happy than takers. However givers reported having a more meaningful life than takers.

        Is it more important to be happy or to be fulfilled? How can we be happy and fulfilled? When happiness is the goal one might choose to spend their time enjoying what money can buy, having fun and relaxing, however too much focus on oneself might make a person self-absorbed and shallow. A focus on being happy therefore may not be enough.  

        The most basic way I can think of to practice selfless action is by listening to others. The next time you are in a dialogue with another person try being mindful about how actively you are listening, whether you are waiting to say something or thinking about something entirely unrelated. Giving my undivided attention to someone is difficult even when that person is my loved one, but the service towards another person’s need to be loved provides me with meaning and purpose in my life. I know that the quality of my relationships relate directly to the amount of attention I invest. Simple and selfless, I challenge you to keep your attention from wandering the next time you greet a service professional, sit down for a meal or connect with a friend. Smile, look into their eyes, ask an interesting question and devour their words like you would a delicious morsel!

 

Tao Te Ching Verse 7:

The Tao is infinite, eternal.

Why is it eternal?

It was never born;

thus it can never die.

Why is it infinite?

It has no desires for itself;

thus it is present for all beings.

The Master stays behind;

that is why she is ahead.

She is detached from all things;

that is why she is one with them.

Because she has let go of herself,

she is perfectly fulfilled.

Creating a Life Worth Living

04-02-2013
Tao Te Ching Verse 6:
MANTRA: “I pay attention to my inner callings and apply my own uniqueness to everything I undertake.” ~ W.Dyer

I believe attention is the most precious resource in life. How I spend my attention creates the quality of my work and relationships and ultimately my life. My inner callings come to me through my heart center. The warm, uplifting feelings that guide me when I know something is right travel through the vagus nerve, which connects the heart to the head.
I am lucky enough to have a mom who raised me to listen to my inner voice. She was wise and brave enough to let me choose my own path in life. The joy for her was in seeing what I would make of my life. I loved softball and rather than buying me the best coaches and gear she let my interest develop organically. I never felt pressure as a kid to become someone my parents wanted me to be.
I have a history of following my heart. My passion for softball became a Harvard education. Most recently, I left my teaching career to learn from the founder of Positive Psychology, and in his class I met the woman of my dreams and we were married on a beautiful beach in Maui. Today we are taking the next great leap in our lives to conduct a worldwide research trip about peak experience. We will travel to 6 continents over the next 6 months to ask 200 people about the best moments of their lives. Our goal is to translate our field research into North of Normal the documentary and book. We have given up our lease and will launch a fundraising campaign on kickstarter.com in the next couple days.
  My greatest passion is to contribute something meaningful and worthwhile to humanity. That manifests for me as singing lessons, studying for a Ph.D, gardening, raising a family, and broadcasting the best information we have about what is possible to experience in life. No matter what happens in the next few months, by investing my attention in planning this trip I am learning how to trust and believe in myself, my dreams, and my uniqueness.

Tao Te Ching Verse 6:

The Tao is called the Great Mother:
empty yet inexhaustible,
it gives birth to infinite worlds.

It is always present within you.
You can use it any way you want.

Hold On the the Center

04-01-2013

Tao Te Ching Verse 5:

MANTRA: "I work at eliminating all of my judgments of others.” ~ W.Dyer

           

            I choose to marinate in this verse for a weekend because it is a tough one. It is easy to say and intend, but much harder to practice. Professionally and personally, many of us are in the business of judging others. A teacher must grade his student’s work and decide who is smart, who needs to try harder and who did not learn. A banker must decide who is fit for a loan. A manager must determine who deserves a promotion and who is underperforming. Parents judge which kids are good role models. A spouse asks her partner if she is being too nice at work. Every day we make numerous judgments of others, so what does it mean to eliminate them?

            The answer for me is in the idea, “Hold on to the center.” My center is infinite possibility and the importance of context. My work is to nurture the belief that my point of view comes from my unique experiences and is just one way of seeing the world. Even though it may feel like it sometimes, I do not know any ultimate Truth better than someone else.

            Over the weekend I noticed what happens when I judge another person. I tell myself a story about their motives or identity based on things like information about the past, their body language, how they look, what they said, and/or how they said it. For example when a friend bought an expensive sports car I had the thought, “This is an impractical purchase,” and when a loved one got a tattoo, I had the thought, “The tattoo will be a big regret.” Thankfully I believe I am not my thoughts. I have meditated many times on the phrase, “Neti, Neti, Neti, I am not this thought I am not that thought, I am not thought.” Thanks to the study and practice of the Tao I was able to let those judgments float in and then out of my consciousness so I could be fully present in sharing the joy my loved ones were feeling about new experiences in their life. 

Tao Te Ching Verse 5:

The Tao doesn't take sides;

it gives birth to both good and evil.

The Master doesn't take sides;

she welcomes both saints and sinners.

The Tao is like a bellows:

it is empty yet infinitely capable.

The more you use it, the more it produces;

the more you talk of it, the less you understand.

Hold on to the center.

Meaning Making Machines

03-28-2013

Tao Te Ching Verse 4:

MANTRA: "The Tao is empty but inexhaustible.” ~ W.Dyer

            My wife once asked me why the floor was underneath me. I was confused by the question because the answer seemed so obvious. I replied, “Because it is on the ground.” She shook her head and asked again, “Why is the floor underneath you?” A bit incredulously I replied again, this time a bit louder, “Because I stand on it.” She shook her head and repeated the question. Again and again my responses missed the point of the question. “Because I can’t fly, The floor belongs on the bottom.” Finally I gave up in frustration and asked her to tell me the answer. She smiled wide and said, “The floor is underneath you because the floor is underneath you.”

            I did not get it at first, but eventually I realized the lesson is that I am the meaning making machine. I give meaning to the symbols, words, and sounds I perceive in my environment. These words I write are lines and squiggles that represent something meaningful in my mind and now in yours. We are free to make meaning of the events, words, thoughts and feelings in our lives, but how often do we realize that power? And maybe more importantly how often do we fail to grasp how culture influences what is real?

            Today on NPR I heard a story about US military drills in South Korea. Later in the day I saw the new Morgan Freeman movie about a hostile takeover by Korea of the White House. Clearly the lines between what is real and imagined are becoming harder to see. But lucky for us, we have the ability to question and decide for ourselves what it means and how it influences our opinions, choices and beliefs.

Tao Te Ching Verse 4:

"The Tao is like a well:

used but never used up.

It is like the eternal void:

filled with infinite possibilities.

It is hidden but always present.

I don't know who gave birth to it.

It is older than God."

The Happiness Highway

Tao Te Ching Verse 3

MANTRA: "I know there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” ~ W. Dyer

            Today in Orange county traffic I had ample opportunity to test the idea that happiness resides within me and is not something that happens to me. Even though I study happiness I still wonder exactly what it is for me and for others. There is a mystery to it that science tries to solve through surveys and statistics, but maybe the most important thing we have learned thus far is the value of happiness and positive emotion to daily life.             

           According to the Tao I get the most bang for my attention buck when I focus on creating a detached positive emotional state. Putting myself in a joyful or peaceful state of mind requires that I let go of stressful deadlines, financial pressures, relationship difficulties, expectations for the future and boredom and accept myself where I am in the moment. These are the times I have to remind myself that I am a human being not a human doing. I believe it is important to practice being mindful so that I do not miss my life or my youth because I am rushing and racing through the next task and the latest goal. I have to practice not doing so that life doesn’t become an ongoing to-do list and ultimately a burden.                 

            My ace in the hole is always my breath, which allows me to shift awareness away from ambition, ego, fear, doubt and judgment and towards acceptance, happiness, joy, gratitude, hope and excitement. I believe myself and all beings are engineered to be happy and this encompasses both incredible excitement and sacred relaxation. I do not have to wait for the perfect job, or to be debt free, or a mother of two to be truly happy because true happiness is a choice I cultivate and nurture through mindfulness.  

             

Tao Te Ching Verse 3:

If you overesteem great men,

people become powerless.

If you overvalue possessions,

people begin to steal.

The Master leads

by emptying people's minds

and filling their cores,

by weakening their ambition

and toughening their resolve.

He helps people lose everything

they know, everything they desire,

and creates confusion

in those who think that they know.

Practice not-doing,

and everything will fall into place.

The Promise of Flow and the Paradox of Control

Tao te Ching Verse 2:
MANTRA: "When my work is done, it is forgotten. That is why it lasts forever."  ~ W.Dyer

            The notion of "forgetting my work" is hard to comprehend and seems at first counterintuitive. I am reminded of the parts of my life that I want and crave recognition, appreciation and acknowledgment. I want awards! I want rewards! I want feedback! With regards to the work I've done for my family, there is still a part of me waiting impatiently to be remembered. This verse suggests I stop keeping score in order to be appreciated, and I let go of my expectations in order to remain important. 

           Work requires focused attention and if you are lucky you will experience total absorption and the optimal experience of flow (being "in the zone"). Once the work is finished, the way of the Tao is to let the attention focus on something new because it is in the new thing, in some cases the opposite thing that our work is meaningful.

           Duality. Focus then forget. Sadness begets happiness. Lazy and motivated, despair and hope, bored and excited. Attention is our most precious and limited resource. So when I let go, forget, and release the outcome focus of my work, deed and action, I will have more attention for singing, for gardening, for learning, for connection, for love, for flow. When I think about work as performance, this mantra speaks to the part of me that tries so hard to be good or perfect or liked. But the performance, the song, the athletic achievement, the handstand, the speech, the presentation, the joke is best when it is not for something else, but is for the sake of doing it in and of itself. This is the paradox of control described by the flow state because to be in flow we have to feel both in control of the environment and exist without control of our self-consciousness. We simultaneously let go and focus to experience the bliss that comes from effortless hard work. 

Tao te Ching Verse 2:

"When people see some things as beautiful,

other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good,

other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.

Difficult and easy support each other.

Long and short define each other.

High and low depend on each other.

Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master

acts without doing anything

and teaches without saying anything.

Things arise and she lets them come;

things disappear and she lets them go.

She has but doesn't possess,

acts but doesn't expect.

When her work is done, she forgets it.

That is why it lasts forever."